Night to Shine

Every year, when this time rolls around, I feel it creeping in—the familiar twinge of loss. It’s not the kind of loss that takes your breath away all at once, but more like a slow ache that settles into the spaces of my heart I usually keep tucked away. It’s a feeling I know all too well, and maybe you do too.

Tonight is Night to Shine, a beautiful event designed to give individuals with special needs a prom night experience filled with glitz, glamour, and celebration. It is everything wonderful —red carpets, crowns, corsages, music, dancing, and so much love. It’s a night where these amazing young people are celebrated exactly as they are. And yet, every year, when this night comes, I find myself sitting in the complexity of emotions it brings.

Because tonight, Jordan is home with me. Just like he has been every year before. He won’t be putting on fancy clothes or stepping onto the red carpet. There won’t be limo rides or dance floor moments. And once again, I will feel the sadness of disappointment—not for him, but for me.

That’s the part I have finally come to understand. It’s not always about what they’re missing—it’s about what we’re missing as their parents.

The milestones that slipped by—getting a learner’s permit, a driver’s license, going to prom, moving into a college dorm—each one stung in its own way. They weren’t just moments he didn’t experience; they were moments I didn’t get to experience with him. And that’s a hard reality to sit with.

The truth is, Jordan is happy. I know that in the depth of my soul. He doesn’t long for the things that I once thought were essential to happiness. He doesn’t feel like he’s missing out because he’s simply choosing not to participate. He’s honoring himself and what feels right for him. And while I don’t always understand it—and trust me, I don’t—I do respect it.

So tonight, I will let myself feel the sadness, just for a little while. I will acknowledge that part of my heart that still longs for those ‘normal’ experiences that never came. But I won’t stay there. Because my sadness doesn’t belong to Jordan. It belongs to me. And if I’ve learned anything through this journey, it’s that our children don’t have to live life the way we do to be happy (I remind myself of this often, and encourage you to do the same).

If your child is participating in Night to Shine tonight, I am so incredibly happy for you. I know it will fill a little piece of your mama heart that might have been missing from those traditional milestones. Cherish it. Celebrate it. Take a million pictures and soak in every moment.

And if your child, like mine, is home tonight, know that you’re not alone. Know that your feelings are valid. But also know that happiness looks different for everyone, and that’s okay.

Jordan is happy. And in the end, that’s what truly matters.

This was written by Shannon Urquiola at Not Your Average Autism Mom.

Thank you for being part of our journey.